Ask yourself if you can care for that person you’re picturing. Maybe? Maybe not? Maybe fear and anger and frustration are roiling up?
Now picture the same person but take the MAGA hat off; replace the label “Trump Voter” with “Fellow Human Being.”
Imagine the things this fellow human might be struggling with; their daily challenges, their own fears and frustrations. (Some of which may fuel their political stances.)
Can you see yourself caring for them now? Extending kindness and concern to them?
When we see others as fellow vulnerable humans (sometimes scared and angry), it’s easier to feel compassion for them as someone in need of support instead of a political supporter.
That can be challenging when we ourselves are drowning in our own fears and anger. And no one is advocating fake or performative compassion—that’s manipulation. Instead, to do the work of Smart Politics, we try to have genuine compassion for those on the other side of politics who are ultimately more like than unlike us.
This is the fourth part of my dive into what we at Smart Politics call The Trust Pyramid, the emotional base for how progressives can have more productive and persuasive conversations with Trump voters.
As we build a Trust Pyramid through conversation with a Trump supporter, it’s not enough for them to feel understood—to truly trust us, they also need to feel cared for. Unfortunately, while we progressives take pride in being compassionate, our empathy too-often evaporates when we engage with Trump voters. At best, we ignore their distress; at worst, we mock it.
A core value of being progressive is caring for others and wanting to improve their lives. Usually we on the Left understandably center that compassion on historically marginalized groups and oppressed or at-risk populations, including those currently under dire threat from racism, sexism, transphobia, and sadly so much more. That’s good work and so badly needed right now.
But if we also want to lower hateful polarization and grow the progressive movement, the most effective way to do that is to form a positive relationship with folks who vote differently from us. So, as we express compassion for threatened groups, we must work to expand the scope of our compassion to all human beings—including those we normally see as political opposites, including Trump voters—even if they support actions and attitudes we find offensive or hateful.
We sometimes fear caring for others and acknowledging their wounds weakens us and our cause; that if we treat them as fellow humans, we’re admitting they’re right or we’re giving up our stance. We worry that expressing compassion will contaminate us morally, that we’re somehow offering aid and comfort to the enemy.
Or we feel that Trump supporters must be held accountable and punished for their votes. That we have some sort of moral obligation to withhold kindness and fellowship on principle.
But having a warm relationship with a Trump voter is not equivalent to us becoming a racist or fascist. And if our hope is to lower that racism and fascism in individuals, then we must talk with them; connect and build that trust so they are more likely to change.
Engaging compassionately with people we disagree with doesn’t contaminate who we are, it shows them who we are. Being kind and compassionate toward Trump voters isn’t a betrayal of the progressive cause, it’s a fulfillment: When we care for others, we show our humanity and elevate both them and ourselves.
The Challenge of Expanding Empathy
Previous steps on the Trust Pyramid like connecting and comprehending mostly involve asking questions and listening, but compassion isn't as easy to obtain intentionally. It can be hard to care about another person, especially one who is different from us in many respects and who is at odds with us on issues about which we care deeply.
As political activists, when we find ourselves falling into that sort of thinking, it can help to think of how we treat the sick. Health care providers don't withhold care from people they don't like or disagree with. They care for everyone equally because they’re trying to alleviate human suffering, not advance a particular cause.
“Find somebody that's undeserving of your compassion and give it to them, because I guarantee that they're the ones that need it the most.”
How to Build Compassion in Conversation
With that in mind, there are things we can do in conversation to cultivate compassion and show the other person we care. No, we can't just command ourselves to care about someone else, but as we get to know them better and become more aware of the similarities between us and them, compassion often naturally follows.
The most important way to do this is to acknowledge and respond to their emotional experiences: Celebrate their joys and offer sympathy for their suffering. We can be in the moment with them and hear their story, where they’re coming from, and how their beliefs formed—including past fears or traumas (as well as hopes and dreams) that may have shaped their worldview.
Psychotherapists express compassion for their patients by naming and acknowledging their suffering, communicating a shared desire for them to feel better and encouraging their efforts to change. We can do this by saying things like, “It sounds as if you’re…angry/sad/frustrated/worried/scared.” By helping them name a feeling they may not be fully conscious of or are trying to tamp down, we’re showing our compassion and building an even stronger empathetic connection.
We can be straightforward and use the same language we would outside the political context when we see someone suffering. For example:
“That must be hard.”
“I’m sorry you’re hurting.”
“I’m here for you.”
Expressing this compassion helps others process strong emotions like anger, fear, and shame that can get in the way of change. It also shows Trump supporters that we aren’t just out for ourselves and our “side,” but care about them too.
The challenge is learning how to do this in situations where you vehemently disagree with someone. Imagine that a Republican is angry about the passage of new gun safety legislation and worried that their gun will be taken away. Our usual response is to tell them why they are wrong. But what they really need from you isn’t agreement or disagreement, but compassion: “I’m sorry this is so hard. I know how important gun ownership is to you.”
Want a more challenging example? How about when a Trump supporter says they support deportation and foreign imprisonment without due process because they want to feel safe? That no doubt may infuriate us—there may be a loud voice in our heads wanting to yell, “They’re not all threats! You’re overreacting out of racism!” But this work is about calming that initial reaction, setting it back, and finding a more productive response, like, “It sounds like you’re afraid because you’re very concerned about the safety of your loved ones. I understand that, and I’m sure it’s very difficult right now when you feel surrounded by threats.”
When we show our compassion to a Trump supporter, we send several important messages:
“Your suffering is real, I know, because I feel it too and it's challenging.”
“Your suffering is valid, I know, because I'm trying to make things better too, but it doesn't always work.”
“I regret this separation and polarization, I wish things weren't like this.”
“We're on the same side, I'm in this with you, and when we really talk, it’s clear we have some of the same larger values and goals.”
We’re not saying, “You’re right,” or “Your fear and anger entitle you to support the oppression of others.” What we are saying is, “You’re my fellow human being, and I don’t want you to suffer.”
That simple expression of compassion builds a deeper trust that lets them feel heard and helps them hear us.
We’re almost to the top of the Trust Pyramid! Next week, the last step: Showing Credibility.
I’ll keep diving deeper into the all the steps in the Trust Pyramid and Persuasion Conversation Cycle in coming weeks, but for now you can familiarize yourself with them:
THE TRUST PYRAMID lays out our emotional goals for lowering defenses in conversation.
Comfort: Show you won't attack or try to control them
Connection: Show interest, establish affinity, and form an alliance in pursuit of common goals
Comprehension: Show you understand them and their point of view
Compassion: Show you care about them and aren't just out for yourself
Credibility: Show you're rational, knowledgeable, and unbiased
THE PERSUASION CONVERSATION CYCLE guides us through how best to carry out a conversation.
Ask nonjudgmental, open-ended questions
Listen to try to understand the other person's views
Reflect by summarizing the other person's perspective
Validate as you identify and name areas of common ground
Share your perspective without making an argument
What is the Smart Politics Way?
Smart Politics encourages and teaches progressives to have more productive conversations with Trump voters. We believe the most effective actions for achieving short- and long-term progressive goals involve talking one-on-one with and listening compassionately and constructively to folks with different opinions.
First of all so there’s no confusion. Let me say that I think that this is absolutely genius and love it and I’m going to make sure I tune into all the different posts on this subject from you.
But what I found interesting was that when I read it I felt sick to my stomach, and then tears in my eyes, with the idea of talking this way to some of these entrenched MAGA supporters. I realize, though that is MY problem and the problem of forgiveness before being able to have the conversation. It reminds me of the process known as Ho‘oponopono.
I will circle back, but basically I just wanted to say thank you and to let you know that this piece is hugely impactful for me and good for my own personal processes to even consider approaching the situation this way!
Sorry no can do they need to come with their hat in hand and apologize then I may let them back in. I am not going to beg or “try to understand them” that time is over
First of all so there’s no confusion. Let me say that I think that this is absolutely genius and love it and I’m going to make sure I tune into all the different posts on this subject from you.
But what I found interesting was that when I read it I felt sick to my stomach, and then tears in my eyes, with the idea of talking this way to some of these entrenched MAGA supporters. I realize, though that is MY problem and the problem of forgiveness before being able to have the conversation. It reminds me of the process known as Ho‘oponopono.
I will circle back, but basically I just wanted to say thank you and to let you know that this piece is hugely impactful for me and good for my own personal processes to even consider approaching the situation this way!
Sorry no can do they need to come with their hat in hand and apologize then I may let them back in. I am not going to beg or “try to understand them” that time is over