One thing that I find really helpful: I give up on the idea that I'll ever change their mind. I settle for better understanding their point of view and emotions (knowledge is power, right)? And ideally that they'll better understand mine. It won't solve polarization, but at least if they understand that I may have good reasons for why I protest, then it helps turn down the temperature.
Hi MCC, lowering the temperature, building understanding, even just maintaining respectful social connections are all terrific and doable goals! Thank you for trying to do that!
And I do believe that if you do lower the temperature that in itself is a small step toward lowering polarization. We each can't personally solve the entire nation-wide trend of polarization with one conversation, but we can do our small part, one on one, and I believe that makes a difference over time in the larger landscape.
Ultimately, I do personally believe that almost anyone can change their minds--though we like to frame it as us helping them changing their own minds, rather than us changing their minds for them. But yes, some minds are harder to change than others, and could take longer, or multiple points of influence from a variety of sources. We may not feel like we personally said the magic words that helped someone change their mind, but we may be a few drops in a larger bucket that leads to change further down the path. And we always stress that while minds can change, we personally may not always have the time and energy or emotional patience to help with specific people--we often have to match what we can do with who is most likely to respond to us.
I couldn't agree more with the way forward being one driven by compassionate and constructive listening .
Every step , every hoped for outcome hinges on one thing that was mentioned in passing when discussing the benefits of slowing down and that is - understanding . Without that , nothing gets truly started , gained or sustained no matter how polished the technique.
Yes, understanding is key to all of this -- I didn't hammer it home too hard in this piece because I was mostly focused on some of the things about the Cycle itself that sometimes put people off. My recent piece on Comprehension dives deep into the importance of understanding: https://karintamerius.substack.com/p/to-persuade-trump-voters-we-must
A big part of why we teach tools like this Cycle is because we believe learning the technique helps us be better listeners, then by extension, better at understanding.
(I should add, "understanding" has layers of meaning in this work: It can mean understanding the points the other person is making, as in understanding their take on the issues--but also understanding where they're coming from in a larger sense; understanding what emotions and experiences are driving their viewpoints, understanding who they are and WHY they have the views they do and vote the way they do.)
Absolutely right . Still , all of it hinges on understanding oneself , the light but even more so , the dark . Without that , understanding stays superficial .
I look forward the reading your other piece . Thank you
Agree again! One of the things I've learned doing this work the past five years is that a HUGE part of it comes BEFORE we ever talk to a Trump supporter. We now spend a lot of our time in Smart Politics helping and supporting progressives in managing our own emotions and biases ahead of time so we can better have these conversations. :)
Thank you for sharing these practical tips! I wonder if anyone is leading groups in actually practicing / role playing conversations - with some coaching.
You're welcome, Elizabeth, and why yes, funny you mention that! We do often practice these skills and support and coach one other during some of our weekly Sunday Night group Zoom calls, using our Angry Uncle Bot AI practice tool!
(AUB is on ChatGPT and can be tried out for free with a non-subscription registration, but if you want to do more than a dozen or so messages every three hours, a $20/month subscription is needed -- but feel free to join us any Sunday night, most of the time we try to get some AUB practice in!)
That's so absolutely true, Karen! This work doesn't always come easy for most of us, but we all get better with practice. It's important we keep perspective and manage our expectations--nothing worth learning and changing comes quickly and easily. Even Dr. Karin Tamerius who founded Smart Politics and came up with the Cycle had to practice it a lot at first before it became natural for her.
As I told Elizabeth above (sorry for the cut and paste, lol), we do often practice these skills and support and coach one other during some of our weekly Sunday Night group Zoom calls, using our Angry Uncle Bot AI practice tool.
(AUB is on ChatGPT and can be tried out for free with a non-subscription registration, but if you want to do more than a dozen or so messages every three hours, a $20/month subscription is needed -- but feel free to join us any Sunday night, most of the time we try to get some AUB practice in!)
You can't do anything with Dump supporters. They are deeply in love with him and will whitewash ANYTHING he does, no matter what.
One day a new generation of people will come up with better sense. Until then, it's a new fascist dictatorship in America!! And we handed it to the stupidest fucking idiot alive.
I think there are limits to the number of people who are available to reason, regardless of their political stance, their religious views, or their opinion of the Dallas Cowboys. And it's true that there's a cult of personality surrounding Trump that can make it seem as if attempts at dialogue with them are more futile than the chance of using one's head to break through a brick wall.
But I know, because of I have seen it, that there are people who merely *seem* to be part of this cult because they are approached in an off-putting way--which most us do, including me. I have no idea of the percentage who have truly drunk the Kool-Aid, but I suspect that it is a lesser percentage than we commonly suppose. And that, in any event, it's best to operate on that assumption.
Will maybe circle back later with more thoughtful insights, especially about how we "see" or perceive others and the "other side" and our misperception of the percentages, but for now -- YES, yes to all that! lol
I understand your frustration--there are many times even I can't help but feel that way about some of the Trump/MAGA supporters, though I do work to try and see them in different, more hopeful perspectives (we believe anyone CAN change--though sometimes it's harder and takes more time). And I agree it can be very challenging to deal with blind devotion and irrational rationalization.
From your perspective, what do you feel we should be doing right now under this "fascist dictatorship"? It seems you feel we're already irrevocably there? Can we still stop it from fully happening? If not, what should we do to survive it and hopefully change and end it?
One thing that I find really helpful: I give up on the idea that I'll ever change their mind. I settle for better understanding their point of view and emotions (knowledge is power, right)? And ideally that they'll better understand mine. It won't solve polarization, but at least if they understand that I may have good reasons for why I protest, then it helps turn down the temperature.
Hi MCC, lowering the temperature, building understanding, even just maintaining respectful social connections are all terrific and doable goals! Thank you for trying to do that!
And I do believe that if you do lower the temperature that in itself is a small step toward lowering polarization. We each can't personally solve the entire nation-wide trend of polarization with one conversation, but we can do our small part, one on one, and I believe that makes a difference over time in the larger landscape.
Ultimately, I do personally believe that almost anyone can change their minds--though we like to frame it as us helping them changing their own minds, rather than us changing their minds for them. But yes, some minds are harder to change than others, and could take longer, or multiple points of influence from a variety of sources. We may not feel like we personally said the magic words that helped someone change their mind, but we may be a few drops in a larger bucket that leads to change further down the path. And we always stress that while minds can change, we personally may not always have the time and energy or emotional patience to help with specific people--we often have to match what we can do with who is most likely to respond to us.
Thanks so much for commenting!
Locke
I couldn't agree more with the way forward being one driven by compassionate and constructive listening .
Every step , every hoped for outcome hinges on one thing that was mentioned in passing when discussing the benefits of slowing down and that is - understanding . Without that , nothing gets truly started , gained or sustained no matter how polished the technique.
Absolutely, Robin!
Yes, understanding is key to all of this -- I didn't hammer it home too hard in this piece because I was mostly focused on some of the things about the Cycle itself that sometimes put people off. My recent piece on Comprehension dives deep into the importance of understanding: https://karintamerius.substack.com/p/to-persuade-trump-voters-we-must
A big part of why we teach tools like this Cycle is because we believe learning the technique helps us be better listeners, then by extension, better at understanding.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
Locke
(I should add, "understanding" has layers of meaning in this work: It can mean understanding the points the other person is making, as in understanding their take on the issues--but also understanding where they're coming from in a larger sense; understanding what emotions and experiences are driving their viewpoints, understanding who they are and WHY they have the views they do and vote the way they do.)
What a profoundly important service that is to all involved .
Absolutely right . Still , all of it hinges on understanding oneself , the light but even more so , the dark . Without that , understanding stays superficial .
I look forward the reading your other piece . Thank you
Agree again! One of the things I've learned doing this work the past five years is that a HUGE part of it comes BEFORE we ever talk to a Trump supporter. We now spend a lot of our time in Smart Politics helping and supporting progressives in managing our own emotions and biases ahead of time so we can better have these conversations. :)
Thank you for sharing these practical tips! I wonder if anyone is leading groups in actually practicing / role playing conversations - with some coaching.
You're welcome, Elizabeth, and why yes, funny you mention that! We do often practice these skills and support and coach one other during some of our weekly Sunday Night group Zoom calls, using our Angry Uncle Bot AI practice tool!
You can get on the email list for the calls here: https://forms.gle/XB9uw5rtzub5RF3e9
And you can try out Angry Uncle Bot yourself here: https://chatgpt.com/g/g-B4TzjoXQ9-angry-uncle-bot
(AUB is on ChatGPT and can be tried out for free with a non-subscription registration, but if you want to do more than a dozen or so messages every three hours, a $20/month subscription is needed -- but feel free to join us any Sunday night, most of the time we try to get some AUB practice in!)
Thanks for asking!
Locke
These are good tips but very hard to do. It will take lots of practice to do until it feels natural.
That's so absolutely true, Karen! This work doesn't always come easy for most of us, but we all get better with practice. It's important we keep perspective and manage our expectations--nothing worth learning and changing comes quickly and easily. Even Dr. Karin Tamerius who founded Smart Politics and came up with the Cycle had to practice it a lot at first before it became natural for her.
As I told Elizabeth above (sorry for the cut and paste, lol), we do often practice these skills and support and coach one other during some of our weekly Sunday Night group Zoom calls, using our Angry Uncle Bot AI practice tool.
You can get on the email list for the calls here: https://forms.gle/XB9uw5rtzub5RF3e9
And you can try out Angry Uncle Bot yourself here: https://chatgpt.com/g/g-B4TzjoXQ9-angry-uncle-bot
(AUB is on ChatGPT and can be tried out for free with a non-subscription registration, but if you want to do more than a dozen or so messages every three hours, a $20/month subscription is needed -- but feel free to join us any Sunday night, most of the time we try to get some AUB practice in!)
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Locke
You can't do anything with Dump supporters. They are deeply in love with him and will whitewash ANYTHING he does, no matter what.
One day a new generation of people will come up with better sense. Until then, it's a new fascist dictatorship in America!! And we handed it to the stupidest fucking idiot alive.
As Bill Clinton used to say, "I feel your pain."
I think there are limits to the number of people who are available to reason, regardless of their political stance, their religious views, or their opinion of the Dallas Cowboys. And it's true that there's a cult of personality surrounding Trump that can make it seem as if attempts at dialogue with them are more futile than the chance of using one's head to break through a brick wall.
But I know, because of I have seen it, that there are people who merely *seem* to be part of this cult because they are approached in an off-putting way--which most us do, including me. I have no idea of the percentage who have truly drunk the Kool-Aid, but I suspect that it is a lesser percentage than we commonly suppose. And that, in any event, it's best to operate on that assumption.
Absolutely to all of that!
Will maybe circle back later with more thoughtful insights, especially about how we "see" or perceive others and the "other side" and our misperception of the percentages, but for now -- YES, yes to all that! lol
Thank you for sharing!
Locke
Hi TOW (for short, lol), thanks for your comment!
I understand your frustration--there are many times even I can't help but feel that way about some of the Trump/MAGA supporters, though I do work to try and see them in different, more hopeful perspectives (we believe anyone CAN change--though sometimes it's harder and takes more time). And I agree it can be very challenging to deal with blind devotion and irrational rationalization.
From your perspective, what do you feel we should be doing right now under this "fascist dictatorship"? It seems you feel we're already irrevocably there? Can we still stop it from fully happening? If not, what should we do to survive it and hopefully change and end it?
Thanks again!
Locke