There is one major flaw that I see in your approach. I’ve yet to see one conservative, let alone Trump-supporting, voice publicly call for the kind of empathy, forbearance, and civility that you are insisting that Progressives must practice, and along with that virtually no willingness to engage with honesty and sincerity with people with whom the right-wing disagree. There are, no doubt, individuals on the conservative side who try to practice this kind of civility, but this is certainly not what generally characterizes the present Trumpian moment ( which overlaps with, but is different from, old-school conservatism.) Furthermore, the acts of the Trump administration are so extreme in undermining the laws and Constitutional principles that this country is based on, so corrupt, and in many cases so inhumane, that support for those acts constitutes a direct threat to our material and physical security and our way of life.
I’m all for civility and tolerance in public discussion and among people. I regularly engage with people whose views diverge from mine, including Trump supporters, and try to do so with humor and respect along with facts and firmness. These relationships unfortunately lead me to think that openness and respectful communication is unlikely to change things. The reason is that the well-funded Trumpian echo-chamber in mass and social media is always there to reinforce a narrative that has no room for rational debate.
What Progressives lack is a coherent world view and program to provide alternative solutions that meet people’s real needs that feels credible, and that have a movement and an effective communications strategy behind them. Otherwise the right-wing will continue to define “the libs” to their base and shut everything else out. This is the area where we really do need to listen, but without standing for something clear that appeals to people it is wasted time. The elements of such a program are there. We need leadership to bring it all together and shape it into a strong and clear and unapologetic program. Until that happens, any effort to improve communication is doomed, because there is effectively nothing to communicate.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. You raise critical issues that many progressives wrestle with.
First, you ask a fundamental question: What do we do when people on the other side don’t share our commitment to empathy, civility, or honesty? It’s frustrating and disheartening, especially when it feels like some conservative leaders not only ignore these values but actively undermine them. I don’t deny that bad actors exist. But democracy doesn’t work if we only engage with people who already agree with us or behave the way we wish they would. The health of a democracy depends on dialogue between people who disagree, even if it’s imperfect, messy, and frustrating. That dialogue keeps the door open to change.
You mention that you continue to talk with Trump supporters despite your doubts, which tells me you’re already practicing that principle. And that’s key. We don’t have to believe every conversation will change someone’s mind. What we need is to ensure that people still see a path out, that there’s still a bridge to cross if and when they’re ready.
Second, you raise an important point about the dominance of right-wing media. I share your concern. But I’d argue that in a world flooded with propaganda, trust becomes the most valuable and disruptive force. Media can shape narratives, but it can’t replace the emotional bonds people form with one another. When someone has a deep, personal relationship with a progressive who listens, respects them, and reflects their values, even while disagreeing, that relationship can become more influential than the media echo chamber. It takes time, and not everyone will be reachable, but some will. And those shifts, one person at a time, can ripple outward.
Finally, you make a compelling case that progressives need a clearer, more coherent vision. I agree completely. We need leadership, we need strategy, we need clarity. But I’d gently push back on the idea that we have nothing to communicate until that happens. We already have something powerful to share: ourselves. When people meet a progressive who is calm, compassionate, and thoughtful, even in the face of hostility, it disrupts the narrative they've been fed. That human-to-human connection is, in itself, a message, and arguably the most persuasive one we have.
I remember Obama was elected on the idea of reaching out to Republicans, showing them empathy and understanding, and even adopting some of their ideas so we could all work together
I was in favor of that approach even as my friends told me I was naïve to believe Republicans would play ball
Instead of agreeing to work with Obama, they agreed that they would do everything in their power to prevent his reelection. That meant they would oppose every piece of legislation, even if it contained things they previously supported.
When Obama compromised with Republicans by taking the public option off the table and pushing instead for a national version of Romneycare, Republicans did not react with grace. They falsely claimed Democrats want to murder your grandparents. They said Democrats want to use taxpayer funds to execute babies in the ninth month.
And during this time, Republicans freely empowered Donald Trump back when he was just a reality TV host who became famous by falsely accusing Obama of being constitutionally ineligible as a non-citizen from Kenya
So we have already tried this. We already tried to bend over backwards to get Republicans to understand we care about them. We already tried compromising and meeting them in the middle. We already tried approaching them with respect and good faith.
They laughed in our faces, said we all love killing babies in the ninth month, say we want to murder your grandparents, and we hate America so much. We wanna destroy it on purpose.
And this was before Donald Trump completely dominated the political scene
I really want to believe that this is what we’re supposed to do. That we’re supposed to reach out and understand each other.
But we already tried that. And as a result of half measures, the economy grew so slowly that the people were angry enough to elect Trump.
So I respect what you’re doing. But I really just don’t see the point.
My view is Republicans Poisoned the Well in their shameful treatment of Obama. They poisoned the well by elevating Trump to the presidency twice and making political discourse hideous
I have zero interest in approaching them with an open hand because the last time we did that they laughed and spit in our faces
If you can point me to any Republicans, who in good faith are trying to lower the temperature while still not completely abandoning the Republican project (since they don’t trust anti Trumpers) I would love to hear it
If there are a contingent of Republicans who want to show, they understand me, and they care about me, and they want to rehabilitate the conservative movement from Trumpism… Then I’m willing to talk. But I’m done making the first move. I speak for many people.
Steve Schmidt comes to mind as someone who helped fuel the rise of scorched earth Republican politics, he apologized for his role in doing all of this, and has dedicated himself to making up for what he did
He’s the political strategist who famously accused a triple amputee senator in Georgia of being in favor of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden in 2002 to win a senate race
When I’m talking about Republican contrition, that’s what I mean. If Republicans are willing to admit how decades of talk radio helped poison millions of Americans against each other, then we will be ready to do the work.
There can be no healing unless and until Republicans take responsibility for firing the first shot
This is such an honest and necessary piece—thank you for naming what so many of us feel in our bones. If we’re serious about building something better than the mess we’ve got, we have to start by looking inward as much as we look across the aisle.
This isn’t about pretending the parties are the same—they’re not. But it is about recognizing that no political tribe has a monopoly on truth or justice. We don’t need more echo chambers or purity tests. We need a movement that’s rooted in shared humanity and open to anyone—left, right, or politically homeless—who’s ready to reject cruelty and domination in all its forms.
Thanks for these thoughtful replies. I want to clarify something, because I think this is where things often get muddled.
Setting boundaries with individuals who are hostile or harmful is absolutely valid. Emotional safety matters. But I’m wary of how easily that language gets stretched into a broader moral framework—one that says anyone who disagrees with us, even respectfully, is unsafe or unworthy of dialogue.
That’s not resistance—that’s retreat into tribalism.
The point I was trying to make is that if we’re serious about fighting authoritarianism, we can’t build our movements on the same logic: purity tests, ideological loyalty, emotional absolutism. We need a politics rooted in shared humanity, not just shared opinions.
If someone’s behavior is cruel, call it out. But let’s not turn disagreement itself into harm. That’s how we lose the thread.
I had a friendship divorce because I realized that belief in democracy was a trait I need in a friend. I don’t hate this person; I don’t wish them ill. They have some good qualities. But I watched them become more and more radicalized over 5 years. We were very close, but then when harm started to affect me and people I love and care about during Trump 2.0, I saw that every moment spent debating with my friend whether Orban’s tactics would be good for this country, or that DJT was or was not a racist, was time not spent caring for people (and myself) who were under attack. And I simply didn’t have time for it, or for that relationship, anymore.
Yes. I have similar with several close family members and friends. Part of it - that isn’t addressed here - is that they were also very aggressive, hostile, and dismissive toward me in any interaction where politics came up. Not only unsafe in the bigger, effect-of-your-vote sense of the word but also directly unsafe emotionally for me. I could create boundaries and give them grace for a while, but after all these years, it is too much to try to maintain.
Always up to us to be the bigger guy. We look deep into ourselves and try to talk to the fuck your feelings crowd. I’m exhausted, hyper aware of my feelings and TIRED of watching our country become an authoritarian nightmare. I had a lunch with a friend the other day and we talked about carrying your passport at all times, rights when we travel and making sure to check-in with each other daily. I’m exhausted, angry and ready to fight, physically if need be. This is not normal. I’ll be ready for a postmortem discussion, when and if this nightmare ends. But for now, fuck MAGA and fuck their feelings. ✌️
*****If we are to rescue our republic, we must resist the impulse toward demonization, make distinctions among people who make bad choices, and win over people who have the potential to join as active champions of decency and sense.*****
This is very consonant with the newsletter I published today. The bottom line:
Although my former legislative campaign opponent and I disagree on some important cultural matters – and our community is similarly divided – productive cooperation can proceed. The most important thing is that we resolve our differences with grace and generosity of spirit.
Thank you for this thoughtful article. In terms of people who are able to speak the truth to MAGA citizens, at town meetings, and on Fox News, etc. I think Pete Buttigieg does a great job. There is also an online organization, Braver Angels, that has as its mission to create dialogue between reds and blues. They deal with issues such as family estrangement, which has been a big problem. Within my own life, I don't think I demonize Trump supporters, because I've seen many of them as kind, thoughtful, honest, caring people -- until it comes to politics. Then they revert to MAGA loyalty and admire a man who is mean spirited and dishonest. His cruelty since he has been reelected is really astounding, and yet his loyal followers have nothing to say about it (or about the grift, such as accepting the $400 million "gift" of a plane from Qatar to use as Airforce One). There is at least one book, The Cult of Trump (2019), by Steven Hassan, that addresses this blind, cult-like loyalty, and some suggestions on how to undo mind control. For myself, I don't have high marks in this category. As long as I don't know people's politics I can appreciate them as people, but turning our democracy into a dictatorship just because a demagogue says so is really beyond the pale for me. I'm glad that there are people who will form those bridges. I would rather spend more of my time trying to help fix our ailing democracy so that we have a healthier counter message. Both will be needed, I think.
There is one major flaw that I see in your approach. I’ve yet to see one conservative, let alone Trump-supporting, voice publicly call for the kind of empathy, forbearance, and civility that you are insisting that Progressives must practice, and along with that virtually no willingness to engage with honesty and sincerity with people with whom the right-wing disagree. There are, no doubt, individuals on the conservative side who try to practice this kind of civility, but this is certainly not what generally characterizes the present Trumpian moment ( which overlaps with, but is different from, old-school conservatism.) Furthermore, the acts of the Trump administration are so extreme in undermining the laws and Constitutional principles that this country is based on, so corrupt, and in many cases so inhumane, that support for those acts constitutes a direct threat to our material and physical security and our way of life.
I’m all for civility and tolerance in public discussion and among people. I regularly engage with people whose views diverge from mine, including Trump supporters, and try to do so with humor and respect along with facts and firmness. These relationships unfortunately lead me to think that openness and respectful communication is unlikely to change things. The reason is that the well-funded Trumpian echo-chamber in mass and social media is always there to reinforce a narrative that has no room for rational debate.
What Progressives lack is a coherent world view and program to provide alternative solutions that meet people’s real needs that feels credible, and that have a movement and an effective communications strategy behind them. Otherwise the right-wing will continue to define “the libs” to their base and shut everything else out. This is the area where we really do need to listen, but without standing for something clear that appeals to people it is wasted time. The elements of such a program are there. We need leadership to bring it all together and shape it into a strong and clear and unapologetic program. Until that happens, any effort to improve communication is doomed, because there is effectively nothing to communicate.
Hi Adrienne,
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. You raise critical issues that many progressives wrestle with.
First, you ask a fundamental question: What do we do when people on the other side don’t share our commitment to empathy, civility, or honesty? It’s frustrating and disheartening, especially when it feels like some conservative leaders not only ignore these values but actively undermine them. I don’t deny that bad actors exist. But democracy doesn’t work if we only engage with people who already agree with us or behave the way we wish they would. The health of a democracy depends on dialogue between people who disagree, even if it’s imperfect, messy, and frustrating. That dialogue keeps the door open to change.
You mention that you continue to talk with Trump supporters despite your doubts, which tells me you’re already practicing that principle. And that’s key. We don’t have to believe every conversation will change someone’s mind. What we need is to ensure that people still see a path out, that there’s still a bridge to cross if and when they’re ready.
Second, you raise an important point about the dominance of right-wing media. I share your concern. But I’d argue that in a world flooded with propaganda, trust becomes the most valuable and disruptive force. Media can shape narratives, but it can’t replace the emotional bonds people form with one another. When someone has a deep, personal relationship with a progressive who listens, respects them, and reflects their values, even while disagreeing, that relationship can become more influential than the media echo chamber. It takes time, and not everyone will be reachable, but some will. And those shifts, one person at a time, can ripple outward.
Finally, you make a compelling case that progressives need a clearer, more coherent vision. I agree completely. We need leadership, we need strategy, we need clarity. But I’d gently push back on the idea that we have nothing to communicate until that happens. We already have something powerful to share: ourselves. When people meet a progressive who is calm, compassionate, and thoughtful, even in the face of hostility, it disrupts the narrative they've been fed. That human-to-human connection is, in itself, a message, and arguably the most persuasive one we have.
I remember Obama was elected on the idea of reaching out to Republicans, showing them empathy and understanding, and even adopting some of their ideas so we could all work together
I was in favor of that approach even as my friends told me I was naïve to believe Republicans would play ball
Instead of agreeing to work with Obama, they agreed that they would do everything in their power to prevent his reelection. That meant they would oppose every piece of legislation, even if it contained things they previously supported.
When Obama compromised with Republicans by taking the public option off the table and pushing instead for a national version of Romneycare, Republicans did not react with grace. They falsely claimed Democrats want to murder your grandparents. They said Democrats want to use taxpayer funds to execute babies in the ninth month.
And during this time, Republicans freely empowered Donald Trump back when he was just a reality TV host who became famous by falsely accusing Obama of being constitutionally ineligible as a non-citizen from Kenya
So we have already tried this. We already tried to bend over backwards to get Republicans to understand we care about them. We already tried compromising and meeting them in the middle. We already tried approaching them with respect and good faith.
They laughed in our faces, said we all love killing babies in the ninth month, say we want to murder your grandparents, and we hate America so much. We wanna destroy it on purpose.
And this was before Donald Trump completely dominated the political scene
I really want to believe that this is what we’re supposed to do. That we’re supposed to reach out and understand each other.
But we already tried that. And as a result of half measures, the economy grew so slowly that the people were angry enough to elect Trump.
So I respect what you’re doing. But I really just don’t see the point.
My view is Republicans Poisoned the Well in their shameful treatment of Obama. They poisoned the well by elevating Trump to the presidency twice and making political discourse hideous
I have zero interest in approaching them with an open hand because the last time we did that they laughed and spit in our faces
If you can point me to any Republicans, who in good faith are trying to lower the temperature while still not completely abandoning the Republican project (since they don’t trust anti Trumpers) I would love to hear it
If there are a contingent of Republicans who want to show, they understand me, and they care about me, and they want to rehabilitate the conservative movement from Trumpism… Then I’m willing to talk. But I’m done making the first move. I speak for many people.
Steve Schmidt comes to mind as someone who helped fuel the rise of scorched earth Republican politics, he apologized for his role in doing all of this, and has dedicated himself to making up for what he did
He’s the political strategist who famously accused a triple amputee senator in Georgia of being in favor of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden in 2002 to win a senate race
When I’m talking about Republican contrition, that’s what I mean. If Republicans are willing to admit how decades of talk radio helped poison millions of Americans against each other, then we will be ready to do the work.
There can be no healing unless and until Republicans take responsibility for firing the first shot
This is such an honest and necessary piece—thank you for naming what so many of us feel in our bones. If we’re serious about building something better than the mess we’ve got, we have to start by looking inward as much as we look across the aisle.
This isn’t about pretending the parties are the same—they’re not. But it is about recognizing that no political tribe has a monopoly on truth or justice. We don’t need more echo chambers or purity tests. We need a movement that’s rooted in shared humanity and open to anyone—left, right, or politically homeless—who’s ready to reject cruelty and domination in all its forms.
This is the kind of clarity that gives me hope.
Thanks for these thoughtful replies. I want to clarify something, because I think this is where things often get muddled.
Setting boundaries with individuals who are hostile or harmful is absolutely valid. Emotional safety matters. But I’m wary of how easily that language gets stretched into a broader moral framework—one that says anyone who disagrees with us, even respectfully, is unsafe or unworthy of dialogue.
That’s not resistance—that’s retreat into tribalism.
The point I was trying to make is that if we’re serious about fighting authoritarianism, we can’t build our movements on the same logic: purity tests, ideological loyalty, emotional absolutism. We need a politics rooted in shared humanity, not just shared opinions.
If someone’s behavior is cruel, call it out. But let’s not turn disagreement itself into harm. That’s how we lose the thread.
I felt that way, too! Always exhausted after our conversations about politics or anything touching on it.
I had a friendship divorce because I realized that belief in democracy was a trait I need in a friend. I don’t hate this person; I don’t wish them ill. They have some good qualities. But I watched them become more and more radicalized over 5 years. We were very close, but then when harm started to affect me and people I love and care about during Trump 2.0, I saw that every moment spent debating with my friend whether Orban’s tactics would be good for this country, or that DJT was or was not a racist, was time not spent caring for people (and myself) who were under attack. And I simply didn’t have time for it, or for that relationship, anymore.
Yes. I have similar with several close family members and friends. Part of it - that isn’t addressed here - is that they were also very aggressive, hostile, and dismissive toward me in any interaction where politics came up. Not only unsafe in the bigger, effect-of-your-vote sense of the word but also directly unsafe emotionally for me. I could create boundaries and give them grace for a while, but after all these years, it is too much to try to maintain.
Always up to us to be the bigger guy. We look deep into ourselves and try to talk to the fuck your feelings crowd. I’m exhausted, hyper aware of my feelings and TIRED of watching our country become an authoritarian nightmare. I had a lunch with a friend the other day and we talked about carrying your passport at all times, rights when we travel and making sure to check-in with each other daily. I’m exhausted, angry and ready to fight, physically if need be. This is not normal. I’ll be ready for a postmortem discussion, when and if this nightmare ends. But for now, fuck MAGA and fuck their feelings. ✌️
As I said yesterday in a comment to the Morning Shots newsletter from The Bulwark:
.
https://substack.com/@decencyandsense/note/c-118446170
*****If we are to rescue our republic, we must resist the impulse toward demonization, make distinctions among people who make bad choices, and win over people who have the potential to join as active champions of decency and sense.*****
This is very consonant with the newsletter I published today. The bottom line:
Although my former legislative campaign opponent and I disagree on some important cultural matters – and our community is similarly divided – productive cooperation can proceed. The most important thing is that we resolve our differences with grace and generosity of spirit.
https://decencyandsense.substack.com/p/frank-disagreement-can-coexist-with
.
Thank you for this thoughtful article. In terms of people who are able to speak the truth to MAGA citizens, at town meetings, and on Fox News, etc. I think Pete Buttigieg does a great job. There is also an online organization, Braver Angels, that has as its mission to create dialogue between reds and blues. They deal with issues such as family estrangement, which has been a big problem. Within my own life, I don't think I demonize Trump supporters, because I've seen many of them as kind, thoughtful, honest, caring people -- until it comes to politics. Then they revert to MAGA loyalty and admire a man who is mean spirited and dishonest. His cruelty since he has been reelected is really astounding, and yet his loyal followers have nothing to say about it (or about the grift, such as accepting the $400 million "gift" of a plane from Qatar to use as Airforce One). There is at least one book, The Cult of Trump (2019), by Steven Hassan, that addresses this blind, cult-like loyalty, and some suggestions on how to undo mind control. For myself, I don't have high marks in this category. As long as I don't know people's politics I can appreciate them as people, but turning our democracy into a dictatorship just because a demagogue says so is really beyond the pale for me. I'm glad that there are people who will form those bridges. I would rather spend more of my time trying to help fix our ailing democracy so that we have a healthier counter message. Both will be needed, I think.
I hate Trump and MAGA - you are correct.
Why don't you just go cuddle up with fascists and perform sexually for them. Get real.