Stay Connected to MAGA Family and Friends (Without Sacrificing Your Sanity)
Seven ethical ways to save your relationships with Trump voters that almost no one is using.
If you feel like your political beliefs are tearing you away from people you love, you’re not alone. More and more Americans—especially progressives—are distancing themselves from Trump-supporting friends and family, believing that maintaining these relationships means betraying their moral principles. In fact, about 25% of Americans have ended relationships over politics.
But here’s what most people get wrong: You don’t have to compromise your values (or your emotional well-being) to stay connected with people who hold beliefs you strongly oppose. In fact, staying engaged with Trump voters is one of the most effective ways we have to counter authoritarianism.
Of course, maintaining a relationship with someone whose political views are fundamentally at odds with your own isn’t easy. So, to help you out, I’ve created a list of seven ways to make it bearable.
A Note on Privilege and Responsibility
These strategies aren’t for everyone. If you’re a target of MAGA’s hate, you aren’t obligated to stay in a relationship that puts your safety or dignity at risk. Protecting yourself is always a valid choice.
But if you can engage safely, you should. Those with privilege have a moral duty to push back against extremism—because democracy depends on people using their power to hold the line where others can’t.
1. Grieve the Loss
Chances are if you have a friend or family member who voted for Trump, you feel like your relationship has fundamentally changed. You probably find it hard to see them as the same person. And, the sense of closeness you once had—built on shared values and a common worldview—is gone. You will have to grieve this loss before you can move forward.
What to Do:
Accept that your relationship has changed.
Let go of the hope that things will go back to the way they were.
Mourn what you’ve lost.
Remind yourself what you still value about your relationship.
2. Manage Your Emotions
The hardest part of maintaining your relationship with Trump voters is staying calm when the topic of politics comes up. If you get angry whenever they say something you disagree with, you’re likely to react in ways that undermine your influence.
What to Do:
Anticipate disagreement so you're less likely to get frustrated.
When you start to get angry, try taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself.
If things get heated, take a break: “Can we talk about this later?”
3. Accept That You Can’t Force Change
Persuasion doesn’t work the way most people think it does. You can’t argue someone into changing their mind, and you certainly can’t shame them into it. People change when they feel psychologically safe enough to question their own beliefs.
What to Do:
Tell them you care about them as a person, even though you disagree with them.
Promise not to judge them for expressing beliefs different from yours.
Let them know you’re not going to tell them what to think.
Ask open-ended, curious questions that encourage them to reconsider their beliefs.
4. Set Boundaries
One way to stay sane while maintaining your relationships with Trump voters is to set and enforce clear boundaries. Boundaries are simple rules that keep conversations productive and emotionally manageable by letting others know what behavior is and isn't okay when discussing politics with you.
What to Do:
Be clear about your limits: “I want to discuss this with you, but I won’t if you continue to call me names."
Pick the right moment: “Let’s have this conversation when we're both feeling calmer.”
Stick to your decision: “I said now isn't a good time to discuss this. Please respect that.”
5. Find Common Ground
Most people, regardless of their political beliefs, want the same basic things: safety, fairness, freedom, and security. Instead of arguing over divisive policies, politicians, and political parties, explore your shared interests and goals together.
What to Do:
Bond over non-political interests: family, popular culture, sports, or hobbies.
Ask curious, open-ended questions: “What kind of world do you want for your kids and grandkids?”
Identify problems that you both want to see solved, like gun violence, and focus on why the issue is important to you (rather than how to solve it)
6. Plant Seeds
You can't force Trump voters to change their minds and you’ll drive yourself crazy if you try. Instead, focus on planting kernels of ideas that can develop organically over time.
What to Do:
When they talk about how bad Democrats are, challenge their stereotypes by referencing yourself: "I'm a Democrat. Do you think I'm a bad person?"
Instead of making political arguments, exchange personal stories with political relevance: "My infant niece just got sick with measles. I'm really worried about her."
If you want to share policy information, ask first: "I read a really interesting article on this topic. Would you like me to send it to you?"
7. Slow Their Slide Into Extremism
Remember: You’re guaranteed at least one win. Even if Trump voters never change their beliefs to align with yours, you can at least prevent them from becoming more extreme. People are much more likely to embrace radical beliefs when they feel isolated, ashamed, or rejected—so merely staying connected will make a real difference.
What to do:
Give them a sense of belonging by being inclusive in your language and behavior
Help them feel good about themselves as a person by noting which of their qualities you appreciate
Reward them for any positive change, no matter how small
Connection Is Power
Authoritarians thrive on division. They want us to cut off our Trump-supporting friends and family. They want us to retreat into political silos. Because when we stop connecting, we stop influencing.
So don’t play into Trump’s hands. Make a difference by rebuilding and strengthening your relationships with the Trump voters in your life today.
What do you think of these recommendations? Will they make it easier for you to stay connected to the Trump voters in your life?
I would love to delve deeper into this but I’m not sure I can concentrate at work
Helpful reminders, especially 3 and 7.