The Hidden Cost of Ostracizing Trump Voters

Why ostracizing MAGA loved ones feels righteous—but may fuel the very extremism we fear.

We've all been there. Your uncle, an old friend, or maybe even your mom begins posting right-wing propaganda on social media.

You have to do something. But what? Call them out? Block them? End your relationship?

Cutting ties often feels like the right thing to do—for your mental health, your values, and democracy itself.

But here's what most progressives get wrong:

Cutting MAGA supporters out of your life doesn't make them less extreme—it makes them more likely to become extremists.

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Why Ostracism Doesn’t Trigger Conformity (Anymore)

For most of human history, ostracism was the ultimate punishment. To be cast out wasn’t just humiliating—it was often a death sentence. Our ancestors survived in tightly knit bands where cooperation meant life and exclusion meant starvation. That's why, even today, rejection lights up the brain like physical pain. Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman found that social exclusion activates the same neural pathways as being punched in the gut.

But here’s what everyone misses: Pain doesn’t always inspire obedience. It often breeds rebellion.

When someone gets ghosted, shunned, or shamed for their beliefs, they don’t always become more compliant—they often become more defiant. Rejection doesn’t always make people reconsider. It sometimes makes them retreat—and then retaliate. This is especially true in politics, where identity, morality, and belonging are all on the line.

That might seem counterintuitive. Isn’t social pressure supposed to work?

It did once.

In prehistoric times, exclusion forced people to conform or perish. But today, social death is less fatal—and more digital. If you get exiled from one community, you can join another with a click. The internet offers thousands of ideological lifeboats. Get banned from Twitter? Try Truth Social. Booted from a Facebook group? There’s a Reddit thread for that. Publicly shamed on TikTok? Start a podcast and become a martyr.

In today’s world, exile doesn’t mean solitude. It means switching apps.

Ostracism may have worked in the Stone Age. But in the age of algorithms, it backfires.

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Five Ways Ostracism Fuels Extremism

#1 It Turns Ordinary People Into Extremists

Radicalization often begins with a sense of belonging and group identity, rather than ideology.

People don't join extremist groups because they've done a policy analysis. They join because they feel lost, angry, or alone—and those groups offer a sense of belonging.

One study found that 71% of white nationalist forum members joined because of social isolation. Often, they didn't even believe in the ideology at first. They just wanted a place to fit in.

Only once people feel accepted by extremist groups do their beliefs then gradually shift to match those of other members.

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#2 It Hardens Their Commitment

When someone feels excluded, they often become more dedicated to advancing their cause.

In one study, for example, people who were excluded from a moderate political group became more likely to endorse—and even join—radical groups, including those that had engaged in vandalism. Just being rejected made them shift their beliefs about political violence in a more extreme direction.

Sometimes, rejection even becomes a story they tell themselves: "I'm being punished for telling the truth." Instead of prompting change, it turns their views into sacred causes worth fighting for—even dying for.

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#3 It Cuts Off Counterperspectives

Remember, you might be the only person in your loved one's life who holds a different political view—and treats them with decency.

When you cut ties, you cut off their last remaining connection to reality. What's left are the right-wing influencers yelling about the “woke mob” and stoking fears of a Marxist takeover.

Without competing narratives, they’ll come to see these extreme beliefs as normal and may even assume you share them too.

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#4 It Builds Echo Chambers

Just because you can't see or hear your right-wing loved ones any more, doesn't mean they're gone. Ostracized people don't disappear or go silent. They find new, more welcoming communities. Often places that are more extreme.

That's how platforms like Gab, Truth Social, and Telegram make their money. They welcome the "canceled," feed their grievances, and radicalize them further.

Inside these right-wing echo chambers, even mainstream conservatives are seen as sellouts. The longer someone stays, the more bonds they form, the more extreme they become—and the harder it is to reach them.

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#5 It Feeds the Victim Narrative

Every time someone is publicly shamed for their beliefs, far-right leaders frame it as proof: "They're coming for you next."

Victimhood is one of their most effective recruitment tools. They tell followers: You're not hateful. You're being persecuted.

It works. A 2021 Pew survey found that 56% of Republicans believe people like them are being unfairly silenced.

In Sweden, far-right groups are using this narrative to recruit boys as young as 10—feeding them stories about lost masculinity, betrayed culture, and liberal tyranny.

The more someone buys into this story, the more every rejection feels like proof they're right. And that story becomes their identity, providing them with new networks of validation and belonging.

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What Happens When We Engage

Now, the good news. There is a viable alternative to ostracism that actually works to change minds and behavior: Forget the shame and have a real conversation instead.

Here are just a few of my favorite success stories:

• Derek Black, raised in a white nationalist family, changed their beliefs after college classmates chose compassion over confrontation.

• Megan Phelps-Roper, once a spokesperson for the Westboro Baptist Church, left after being engaged in respectful dialogue on Twitter.

• Daryl Davis, a Black musician who has helped over 200 KKK members renounce hate—just by talking with them.

These aren’t flukes. They’re real examples of how change happens through connection, not condemnation.

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Engagement Isn’t Endorsement

Staying connected to someone doesn’t mean you condone their views. It means you still believe they can change.

Yes, you should set boundaries. Yes, you should protect your peace. But don’t mistake disengagement for effective strategy.

Because when we stop talking, we don’t just lose a relationship. We lose influence. And in that silence, extremism grows.

You don’t have to win them over today. Just keep the line open.

Because the moment we shut the door, the extremists are waiting to welcome them in.

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A Note on Privilege

Smart Politics advice isn’t one-size-fits-all. If you’re part of a group being actively dehumanized—if your safety, dignity, or rights are under attack—it’s not your job to engage with people who deny your humanity. Instead, we hope you’ll share this with allies who can engage where you choose not to.

This message is for those with relative privilege, especially white progressives, who have the emotional distance to stay in conversation without personal harm. If that’s you, you have a unique opportunity—and a moral obligation—to disrupt the cycle of alienation that feeds extremism.

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