Don't Let Politics Ruin Your Holiday
Instead of avoiding, learn to manage the Five Types of Troublemakers
We know the holidays can be tough for a number of reasons, and last year’s season was far from jolly for many progressives.
Some of us are carrying that post-election holiday trauma from last year into this year’s season, and we may be asking ourselves whether or not we should attend holiday gatherings, and if we do, how do we not let others trigger our reactance (aka push our buttons)?
Need to work on managing your emotions ahead of holiday gatherings? Check out Dr. Tamerius’ mini ebook below, or her “Keep Calm and Carry On” webinar video on YouTube.
There are a few ways we may deal with the potential for political dust ups over the holidays:
Skip attending holiday gatherings altogether with Trump supporting relatives (or don’t invite them)
Show up and try to ignore any upsetting remarks, bite our tongues instead of the turkey
Attend and try to engage loved ones about politics without ending up in a screaming match and/or running from the room
We’re not here to tell any of us what our personal, particular experience is like or what each of us might do to manage and mitigate the challenges we may face from friends and family members who disagree with us politically. As always, we all need to do what we need to do to keep ourselves safe and sane.
Having said that, the mission and purpose of Smart Politics is to help folks not skip out or avoid, not tamp down and swallow our anger and frustration, and of course, not end up yelling and name calling and storming out.
Based on past experiences, some holiday friction with Trump voters and supporters may feel unavoidable. But perhaps, in the face of that, instead of avoiding or ignoring, we’d genuinely like to improve and smooth out our experiences. If we’re ready for that, there are a number of ways Smart Politics can help.
If you’re new to Smart Politics, check out our “Toolbox,” complete with deeper dives into each step of The Trust Pyramid that lays out our emotional goals and the Persuasion Conversation Cycle that guides how we talk with and listen to others.
Over the years, Dr. Tamerius has hosted numerous Smart Politics for the Holidays webinars, and while she’s not hosting one this season, we want to share one of those past webinars with you ahead of this year’s family gatherings.
When faced with a loved one or relative acting up at the holidays, remember it never hurts to first take a few deep breaths and remind ourselves of all the things we like and appreciate about that person and our non-political relationship with them. Take a moment to recall and center the positives, the shared interests, the past good times.
Sometimes we may not have much of a positive shared past with someone, or we feel they’ve changed too much over the past years. That’s okay—we’re all dealing with different dynamics with different folks, and family relationships can be complicated by years or decades of interactions and clashes.
But going in, it can help to remind ourselves that they are our fellow human beings, struggling with the same fears and frustrations as all of us. If we decide to engage them over politics or respond to some of their provocative statements, we should aim to do it from a place of wanting to improve our connection with compassion and empathy, not to “crush them with facts” and “win” the argument while passing the potatoes.
To that end, Dr. Tamerius came up with a quick primer on how to defuse and de-escalate five types of “Holiday Troublemakers”—a sort of “emergency response guide” for putting out immediate fires around the holiday table.
She labeled the troublemaker types:
The Debater
The Parrot (of Right-wing Talking Points)
The Conspiracy Theorist
The Socially Insensitive
The Rager
Below are several useful Smart Politics holiday resources that go into detail about how to manage each of those types:
A handy printable chart for “Taming the Holiday Troublemakers”
An hour-long “Smart Politics for the Holidays” webinar from Karin on YouTube
Good luck, and we hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!
Smart Politics Holiday Webinar Video
Angry Uncle Bot
Want to practice your conversational and de-escalation skills before the family gathering?
Check out Smart Politics’ Angry Uncle Bot AI chatbot and practice tool over on ChatGPT: https://chatgpt.com/g/g-B4TzjoXQ9-angry-uncle-bot
Angry Uncle Bot can take any topic and engage in an ongoing conversation with you, well, like an Angry Uncle at the holiday dinner table. The practice tool also offers you helpful tips along the way, based on Dr. Tamerius’ work.
What is the Smart Politics Way?
Smart Politics encourages and teaches progressives to have more productive conversations with Trump voters. We believe the most effective actions for achieving short- and long-term progressive goals involve talking one-on-one with and listening compassionately and constructively to folks with different opinions.
More on our work:
Want to learn more about Smart Politics and get involved?
Every Sunday night (and some Wednesdays), we meet on Zoom to teach, share, and support one another. Sign up for email recaps and reminders about these weekly calls
Locke Peterseim is the Smart Politics Content Manager.
Much needed. Thank you.
I read this, this morning. Seems apropos. Many good insights.
https://commonsenserebel.substack.com/p/the-collapse-of-shared-reality
For me the key has been to remind myself that over the years I’ve been quite sure of things that I have since seen in a different light. Or, to be more blunt: I’ve been wrong enough times to humble me. We are all in process.
In particular I have hurt those closest to me (as one inevitably does) and this is both painful and enlightening, if I let it be. For me, love has been the key. I am called to love everyone more than I am called to be The One Who Is Right.
Undergirding these very helpful tactics is hopefully a heart of love. Most people can sniff out condescension and self-righteousness, no matter what you actually say.
May there truly be joy in the world and peace to all this season!