For me the key has been to remind myself that over the years I’ve been quite sure of things that I have since seen in a different light. Or, to be more blunt: I’ve been wrong enough times to humble me. We are all in process.
In particular I have hurt those closest to me (as one inevitably does) and this is both painful and enlightening, if I let it be. For me, love has been the key. I am called to love everyone more than I am called to be The One Who Is Right.
Undergirding these very helpful tactics is hopefully a heart of love. Most people can sniff out condescension and self-righteousness, no matter what you actually say.
May there truly be joy in the world and peace to all this season!
Hi Seth, yep that's EXACTLY right (except no salt, high blood pressure and all that, lol).
Yes, that's how we might start a conversation on that topic, and we may continue along those lines until we feel both sides are more comfortable, defenses are lowered, and we're understanding each other better, at least as best we can.
Then eventually (maybe in the same conversation, maybe in a later conversation) we may move deeper into why they feel that way, why they feel that's true, what their concerns are about it. And maybe, if everyone is feeling comfortable, gently start asking where they heard that and why they feel its accurate, etc. We can also workto find common ground, shared values (even if it's something as simple as we agree we don't want people eating each other's pets).
Only later might we offer our own take on the issue, why we don't feel its accurate, why we don't share their belief and concern around it. Why we may support or welcome legal immigration, etc.
But it's also possible we never get to those later stages with this person, and that's okay, too. If nothing else, we showed them--and ourselves--that it's possible to talk about these things in a calm, respectful manner; that neither of us on either side are the demonic lunatics our respective propaganda has tried to whip us into a frenzy over.
Much needed. Thank you.
I read this, this morning. Seems apropos. Many good insights.
https://commonsenserebel.substack.com/p/the-collapse-of-shared-reality
For me the key has been to remind myself that over the years I’ve been quite sure of things that I have since seen in a different light. Or, to be more blunt: I’ve been wrong enough times to humble me. We are all in process.
In particular I have hurt those closest to me (as one inevitably does) and this is both painful and enlightening, if I let it be. For me, love has been the key. I am called to love everyone more than I am called to be The One Who Is Right.
Undergirding these very helpful tactics is hopefully a heart of love. Most people can sniff out condescension and self-righteousness, no matter what you actually say.
May there truly be joy in the world and peace to all this season!
I think that another tactic is to always echo the things the MAGA folks feel let down about. Let them do the work for you to feel peaceful.
Semi-seriously, how would one reply to something like:
MAGA relative: "They're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats."
A - I hear you saying "They're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats." - is that right?
B - Yes, it's scary that "They're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats."
C - Hmm, that's something. Please pass the salt.
?
Hi Seth, yep that's EXACTLY right (except no salt, high blood pressure and all that, lol).
Yes, that's how we might start a conversation on that topic, and we may continue along those lines until we feel both sides are more comfortable, defenses are lowered, and we're understanding each other better, at least as best we can.
Then eventually (maybe in the same conversation, maybe in a later conversation) we may move deeper into why they feel that way, why they feel that's true, what their concerns are about it. And maybe, if everyone is feeling comfortable, gently start asking where they heard that and why they feel its accurate, etc. We can also workto find common ground, shared values (even if it's something as simple as we agree we don't want people eating each other's pets).
Only later might we offer our own take on the issue, why we don't feel its accurate, why we don't share their belief and concern around it. Why we may support or welcome legal immigration, etc.
But it's also possible we never get to those later stages with this person, and that's okay, too. If nothing else, we showed them--and ourselves--that it's possible to talk about these things in a calm, respectful manner; that neither of us on either side are the demonic lunatics our respective propaganda has tried to whip us into a frenzy over.
"I thought he would do more., he hasn't even deported as many as Obama."
Just go for whatever they might think he has failed on.
Great work this!